Book
Fought Disorder
A True Story of Utter Bollocks
Fought Disorder is an inside account of a psychotic break and psychiatric detention—told as it was lived: fast, funny, frightening, and saturated with meaning. It tracks how ordinary cues become “messages”, how narrative closure becomes seductive, and how recovery involves learning to live without that total coherence.
“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche
What this book is about
The story begins with an attempted escape—then loops back to the weeks and months that fed the onset: grief, addiction, obsession, insomnia, and the slow tightening of interpretation until the world feels scripted.
From there it moves through wards, rules, staff interactions, seclusion, and tribunal decisions—showing how a mind searching for explanation will turn almost anything into evidence.
How it’s written
The stance is closest to: entertainer, not recruiter. It doesn’t ask the reader to adopt a position, only to witness a point of view—sometimes absurd, sometimes heartbreaking, often both at once.
Humour is not used to trivialise suffering, but to keep the narration honest: what it felt like in the moment, what it looked like from the outside, and what remains difficult to explain even now.
“I have nothing to sell… I am an entertainer… I just want you to enjoy the point of view, which I enjoy.”
— Alan Watts
Who this book is for (and not for)
For readers who…
- want an unfiltered account of psychosis from the inside
- can tolerate strong language and dark humour
- are interested in how institutions and “meaning” collide
- prefer narrative + reflection over clinical framing
Not for readers who…
- want clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment guidance
- prefer detached, purely academic writing
- are looking for a neat moral or a simple villain
- need a gentle or sanitised tone
Inside the book
Structure
- Preface
- Act I (March 2014)
- Act II (March–May 2014), organised by “weeks”
- Forty-five chapters across the arc
Themes
- how belief forms and hardens
- care, coercion, and credibility
- the comedy of misinterpretation
- recovery as epistemic discipline
Excerpt
“How can I not think I’m on a TV show… the way everything’s played out? Everything.”
From a tribunal scene.